God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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