You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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