haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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