this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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