I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
