I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
