They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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