the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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