Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
