dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
