Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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