my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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