I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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