Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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