every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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