margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize