Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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