my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Randomize
