there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
