Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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