Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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