I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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