I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
