can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i drank out of a bidet.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize