ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
