I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
