i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
