It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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