Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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