dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
