He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
