My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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