Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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