so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
