the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
