The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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