What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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