I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
