So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
