Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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