i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
