The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
