you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
third nipple confirmed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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