Redeem this text for a blowjob
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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