Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
