fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
