she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
