i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
