im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
