man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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