Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Alive.
So much puke
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
