Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize