butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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