HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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