There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize