I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
