I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
