Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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