I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
