I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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