the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My life is pants optional.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
