he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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