You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
