I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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