highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
