It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize