I didn't shave. On purpose
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
