I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
