Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
