How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
