every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
