Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
