hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
