I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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